In these trying times of a world at war, serious political issues at home and abroad, I would vote for John Kerry this November.
First, and most importantly to me, he would get the French to commit troops to Iraq. I'm serious, he would. Democratic National Committee strategist Howard Wolfson, a close advisor to the Kerry campaign, told the US that Kerry would bring the French to commit troops, so I believe it will happen. As we Americans know, because of our debt to General Lafayette, the French are superb fighters who will bring their expertise to the battlefield along side our own US troops. This would obviously be key in the US winning Iraq and establishing peace in the Middle East.
Next, and almost important is John Kerry's sister, Diana Kerry, campaign to oust Australian Prime Minister Howard from office. Her repeated comments to the Australian public explaining to them why their staunch support of the US is wrong brings new hope to elitists everywhere. It's about time someone put those Aussies in their place. How dare a small island country think they could ever uphold Democratic ideals to the same standards as a great nation like the USA? And how dare they think that they can fight international terrorism? Diana Kerry is doing an excellent job of telling Aussies not to stand up to terrorists and to withdraw their support from this fanatical war the US is waging. It's obviously the Aussies fault that a few guys from the Middle East strapped bombs to their chests and blew up the Australian embassy in Jakarta. Stupid Aussies.
And while the French will solve our Iraq crisis and putting our allies in their place excites me to no end, it is none other than Teresa Heinz Kerry that would gain my full support to represent America. She's absolutely right to say that whoever doesn't agree with her husband on every single issue is an idiot. THATS the kind attitude a REAL First Lady should have. It makes me so happy that she understands most Americans are indeed "scumbags", and that if they get in your face they need to be told exactly where to go. Her unique use of the First amendment is fantastic, and her superior attitude is exactly what this country needs.
I could go on and on about why I would vote for Kerry this November. One last example might be his lack of any real position. This is brilliant! Follow this logic - terrorists hate us because of our ideals and policies, so Kerry refuses to take a solid stance on any issue or policy! Game over! The terrorists can't hate is if they don't know what we stand for! The mans a genius!
So there you have it, why I would vote for Kerry... if I was cerifiably insane.